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  • Writer's pictureEdward Cunningham

"The Delicate Balance Of Love And Money"

Statistics I gathered recently, suggested that 48% of relationships that fail was over money related issues. Let me start by saying that having a lot of money is not a prerequisite for having a successful relationship. It's the management of what you do with it that causes the friction. People who have a poor mindset work just as hard as people who have wealthy mindsets. So why does one group of people have money to travel the world, vacation home, businesses and a boat. The other owns nothing but the clothes on their back and a used car. The answer in most cases is their mindset and access to resources. Poor mindsets believe, if they just work harder or get another job that life would be more fulfilling. It could be, but in most cases your resources are often limited because your social circle is limited. Our financial success in life is often the direct result of our 5 closest friends and their average income. People who make 40K a year typically have friends who make 40K a year. People who earn 250K a year typically have friends that make 250K a year. It has nothing to do with ostracizing but more to do with what I call "economic synergy". Our body always gravitate in a direction of our most dominant thoughts. I'm not insinuating that either one of the income levels is any better than the other. I know a school teacher with a master degree who decided to take a position in a small town that pays 53K a year, because she felt they needed her. However, if you seek to earn more, so that you can do more, changes have to be made. At bare minimum you should be seeking to make at least double your age. So if you are 40 aim over 80K as a minimum. If you make 8OK a year and have a desire to increase your blessing, then get out your comfort zone and start socializing around people who earn 200K a year. I assure you that the conversation will be radically different. Poor mindsets buy things that they want from their weekly earnings. Wealthy mindsets buy the things they want from their investments.

Poor thinking people focus on liabilities, wealthy mindsets focus on assets. Poor thinking people focus on today, wealthy minded people focus on tomorrow. Poor thinkers will borrow money and stand in a line for 4 hours for the latest tennis shoes. Wealthy thinkers will buy the stock of the tennis shoe company before the release. If you make the most money in your group and have all the answers. I’m sorry to tell you that it’s time to change your group. If opportunity does not seem to be knocking at your door than change your damn door. When you are in the process of considering exclusivity with an attractive prospect, it would be behoove of you to consider having money management discussions with your partner before you proceed. The failure to have these discussions could cost you time, stress and loss of money. Here are the three basic categories of discussion: CASH-CREDIT-INCOME. All three are needed to purchase a home unless you have all cash. Before my wife and I became exclusive 13 years ago, we both viewed each others credit report and talked about the last 7 year history. This included public record. If you are with a guy and he has three domestic violence charges with 3 different women over the last decade. Run fast out the back door of where ever you are. Back to my wife, I was able to explain the peaks and valleys of my scores. She was able to do the same. Are you dating someone over 40 for example and their credit scores have never been over 520. If this is the case, you may be walking into a hornets nest. This would be an indication of someone who probably does not take the management of money very serious. You will have to educate them provided they are receptive. If they are not receptive to changing, than you could be carrying around an extra book bag on your back. Does he spend his last dollar on rims for his truck. Does she spend her last dollar buying a 4k bag trying to impress the girls in the office. Many people spend so much money trying to impress and get validation from people who don’t matter. When you are able to insulate yourself from what others think of you, often allows us to be more conscious about emotional spending. I don’t care what religion you are or who your god maybe. One thing is for sure. God does not give you what you pray for, he only gives you what you can manage. If you can’t manage the money that you have, why would he give you more. If you can’t maintain the car that you have why would he bless you with another. Sometimes we get so consumed in feelings as a result of hormonal entanglements that we overlook the basics. A degree is not a prerequisite for being wealthy or financially literate. I know a convicted felon who made a mistake early as a teen, changed his life and now has a thriving restaurant and bar. It’s the failure to establish a solid financial plan that causes many of the relationship problems. A friend of mine had a major domestic blow out with his wife a few days ago. I said if you don’t mind me asking, what was the source of this blow out. He said she keeps moving my shoes and it caused me to be late for work. I said no that’s a symptom of a deeper issue. Healthy relationships don’t have blowouts over the misplacement of shoes. The real reason is the fact that all of your bills are behind. After you establish a solid money management system and budget, you won’t be under so much stress. Understand that money does not make us happy long term. Many people believe it because they never have enough of it. They believe, if I only had a million dollars all of my problems would go away. I will give you a hint. Hollywood divorce rate is higher than the rest of America. Growth is what makes us happy. It’s human nature, so start by trying to figure out what your purpose is in life. Remember our jobs are what we are paid to do, but our work is what we are born to do. Find your work !

Edward Cunningham

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